Relational Repair Therapy and Recovery

Relational Repair therapy, sometimes called Rupture Repair therapy, is a type of therapy that helps people rebuild trust in relationships. Every relationship has conflict and goes through tough times, but sometimes there is a rupture in the relationship, which is a type of trauma. A rupture often requires more strategy to get through than an everyday fight, which is where relational repair therapy comes in.

Relational repair therapy is a short-term treatment that usually involves longer sessions for a brief span of time. Because of this, relational repair therapy is useful for those who can’t commit to weekly sessions that continue for a longer period, or for people who live in separate places, like grown children and their parents.

The goal of relational repair therapy is to increase communication, providing people with new strategies with which to approach conflict so that they can better understand others and how to connect with them.

While every relationship experiences difficulties, a rupture is a sudden break or breach in a relationship. Usually, this happens when something that is perceived as particularly egregious or disturbing happens, such as an affair, betrayal, abandonment, drug addiction, etc.

However, not all issues that are addressed with relational repair therapy are so large; sometimes something small (like forgetting an anniversary) can be magnified because of other issues in the relationship or issues a person brings to the relationship. Thus, even a minor problem can cause a rupture in the relationship.

Relational repair therapy can help people (romantic relationships, families, friends) fix a current problem in the relationship and help set them up for future success. Some of the main goals in relational repair therapy are to:

• Improve healthy communication skills.
• Help people see things from another viewpoint.
• Give people the ability to understand persistent problems.
• Build trust and mutual respect.
• Give people confidence.

The first step in repairing relationships is to build trust and understanding. To do this, each party must acknowledge that a rupture has happened and seek genuine understanding. Once everyone is on the same page, they can move forward with a plan or strategy for future encounters.

One of the things that sets relational repair therapy apart from other kinds of therapy during the recovery process is the emphasis on therapy as a cooperative process. Other models of therapy for mental health or addiction recovery might focus on reducing certain symptoms, while relational repair therapy views therapy as a place where both client and therapist engage equally to build trust and emotional awareness. Ruptures are not seen as failures, but as opportunities to learn and grow.

In this model of therapy, the therapist also recognizes that ruptures might happen between therapist and client. The therapist takes the lead in acknowledging the issue and seeking to understand the problem, showing that healthy repair is possible. Clients can then take the skills they learn with the therapist and apply them to other existing and new relationships.

Relational repair therapy is useful for any type of relationship, even including the relationship between client and therapist.

In a 2017 article by Kristen Carney, it was found that “The results of this case also suggest that making changes in relationship patterns can have a positive impact on mood symptoms such as mild to moderate depression or anxiety.”[1]

In a 2021 book chapter, Modlin, Freeman, Gaitens, & Garfat, claim that “recent findings from neuroscience have strongly supported the received wisdom in our field, that ‘relationships are the agent of change’ (Perry & Szalavitz, 2006, p. 230). Amongst other things, they suggest…that trauma itself can be defined as a failure of relational support and that healing must therefore involve relational repair…”[2]

Because everything in life is done in relation to others, it is essential to find ways to help people repair ruptures in their relationships, as this mode of therapy does. When included as part of addiction treatment, relational repair therapy helps to address the challenges of early recovery so that all parties can understand how substance abuse has impacted the person living with drug or alcohol addiction and the well-being of their loved ones.

Relational Repair therapy is a type of talk therapy, so a therapist will guide a client or couple in a conversation about an issue or issues within the relationship. There are five steps to repairing a relationship that has been ruptured:

1. Recognizing the rupture: it is impossible to solve a problem if both parties are not aware that something is a problem. Symptoms of a rupture might include passive-aggressive behavior, withdrawal, anger, or silent treatment.
2. Regulating emotions: this might include mindfulness techniques like deep breathing, meditation, or taking a break before engaging in the repair work at hand.
   Taking responsibility and healthy communication: this step involves the actual work of talking through the rupture, understanding what the other person’s view is, and taking responsibility for your part in it.
3. Expressing vulnerability: repair can only happen when people share their deeper emotions. Instead of reacting with fear or anger, digging beneath that to understand the sadness or disappointment that is part of the rupture is important.
4. Rebuilding trust: this is the key to a successful repair and healthier relationships. Emotional connection, through things like apology or reassurance, is critical for building healthy relationships.